How to distinguish true love from infatuation

Have you met someone new and felt something exciting inside? How do you understand that this is true love and not ordinary affection?

How do you understand the difference between love and affection? Maybe you are just becoming more and more dependent on the person, and there is no talk of deep feelings?

This often happens to people. Often a person can change his lovers like gloves, being convinced that this is another true love. Perhaps this has already happened to you. And from the outside it seems that nothing can destroy such a relationship, but over time they fall apart. Then a logical question arises: was it love? Or is it just a spontaneous outburst of emotions that was aimed at avoiding loneliness.

Of course, there is no single measure that can measure feelings. No one can tell you if you love a person more than they love you. Everything is very subtle. You need to learn to trust your sixth sense and sensations.

Unfortunately, not everyone succeeds in this.

Each of us is afraid of loneliness. And this fear pushes a person to make hasty decisions. Deep despair can make you see things that aren't really there! Such an incorrect interpretation of feelings has an extremely negative impact on later life. After all, you can harm not only yourself, but also those around you.

Some people cling so zealously to the belief in love that they do not give their partner a peaceful life. In fact, this is a weakness. This is a simple unwillingness to face the truth.

There is no universal definition of love. Because everything is individual. But this does not mean that one cannot notice the signs by which ordinary affection and love are determined. Many of us, based on our life experiences, can easily understand what exactly we are experiencing. You just need to think correctly and not give in to raw emotions.

1. It is difficult to part with true love; giving up attachment is easy.

The surest way to understand if you are worried true love- is to lose her. When she disappears from your life, you lose all meaning of existence for some time. It's like you've been stripped of your very soul. Sadness and grief presses from all sides. But if you don’t experience something similar after a breakup, then it was an ordinary attachment that did not carry anything serious.

2. Love is a manifestation of caring, and affection is exceptional selfishness.

True love does not tolerate selfishness. Once you enter into a serious relationship, your priorities will change dramatically. The whole philosophy of life is turned upside down. You will constantly think about your beloved, care and worry about him. But when you are no more than simply attached to your partner, then selfishness will prevail. Everyone wants to do what is best for themselves. It's easy to notice and draw conclusions before things go too far.

3. Love is not a light burden; affection comes easily only when you are together.

Love is very complex look emotions that every person encounters. Often, it is very dynamic and it is extremely difficult for two people to maintain such a pace. There will be ups and downs in a relationship, but supporting each other will help you overcome all difficulties. During a non-serious relationship, when everything comes down to affection, you will not be able to get along for long at a distance.

4. Love gives freedom, but attachment paralyzes.

It is impossible to experience real feelings when you forbid each other to do certain things. Sincere love has no prohibitions. Mutual trust and bright feelings will overwhelm lovers, and therefore they have no problems with personal space. Ordinary attachment, on the contrary, paralyzes. Participants in a relationship cannot stay far from each other for long, and life without rules does not seem possible. This is not love - this is a prison.

5. Love is support; attachment creates stagnation.

True love inspires people to be better people. But attachment does nothing: partners simply exist. Loving hearts they can share their dreams, help each other achieve certain goals, etc. They form a kind of driving mechanism that only strengthens their feelings. Attachment people are locked in a little box and they don't want to be better.

6. Love lasts; attachment is limited by time.

Love is one of those feelings that lasts forever. We are talking about a real and sincere manifestation of this bright feeling. There is no place for naked desire to satisfy your needs. Attachment has this. Therefore, it lasts as long as the partners are satisfied. But sooner or later the thirst will appear again, and they will begin to look for new experiences. And new partners.

A person is not always able to see the difference between passion and true love, due to the “drunken state of soul and mind”

In his article in the magazine " Family life"Paul Popenoe describes what most people think about romantic love: "Love is an incomprehensible obsession that comes out of nowhere and immediately completely takes over you, like measles. You will recognize it intuitively. If it is a real feeling, you will not have to wonder for long. You will see it, without a doubt. Love is so important that you must to give up everything for her. It is forgivable for a man to leave his wife for the sake of love, for a woman to leave her house and children, for a king to leave his throne. She comes completely unexpectedly, and you cannot do anything. She is not subject to man.” But this is NOT true love! Real love is not like that.

Infatuation really comes unexpectedly, and we are unable to resist it. But true love is devoted and selfless love. This is what she is holding on to. And knowing the difference between infatuation and love will prevent you from making a huge mistake.

How to understand the difference? During the Gold Rush, many prospectors thought they had "struck a vein." But later, to their great disappointment, they found out that their find was not real gold, but the worthless mineral pyrite. Pyrite is very similar in appearance to gold, but has no value. It is also called "fool's gold".

In his book, “Sex, Love or Infatuation—How Can You Tell It?,” Dr. Ray Short gives some key tips to help a person examine what they are feeling and determine whether it is true love gold or “fool’s gold”—mere infatuation.

We will look at 12 of these keys. All keys should be taken into account, but not selectively each of them.

Key #1. What attracts you most?

Enthusiasm: When you're infatuated, you're more likely to be more interested in the other person's physical attributes. Beautiful face And good body- of course, very attractive qualities, but appearances can be deceiving. It is like the wrapping paper in which a gift is wrapped. It cannot be used to judge what exactly is inside. Moreover, physical beauty is not eternal. Dr. Short says: "Of the dozen school meetings I attended as a young man, I remember only one. 'Young people!' - the speaker said solemnly. “Before you marry a girl because of her pretty face and attractive curves, think about what she will look like at 30.” And that stopped me?”

Real love: If your love is genuine, you will be interested in the personality of your chosen one as a whole. Surely, physical attraction will also be present in your feelings, but only along with many other qualities that are attractive to you.

Key number 2. How many different qualities attract you to this person?

Enthusiasm: Usually the number of such qualities is small, but they can have a very strong impact on you. A guy can go crazy with his girlfriend's smile or sexy walk.

Real love: When you truly love, you like all or most of the qualities in the other person. Each of us has many characteristic features, your judgments and attitudes. How many features do you notice in someone else, and how many of them do you find attractive? This is important because once the initial excitement of marriage wears off, you will need many common interests to keep the marriage going and make it successful.

Key number 3. How did it start?

Enthusiasm: Infatuation arises quickly. There is no such thing as true love at first sight, but there can be infatuation at first sight. As one love song says, “the eyes of the lovers met in the crowd, lightning flashed, and they immediately realized that they were made for each other.” In reality, they could only understand what they had done to each other. good first impression.

Real love: True love always comes slowly. Otherwise it can not be. You have to get to know a person before you can really love them, and that takes time, a lot of time, to really get to know someone. Long-term courtship is much better than short-term courtship. A year is better than six months, two years is better than one, three years is better than two, and four is better than three. Three years? Four? Yes, the statistics on this subject are absolutely clear. But most young couples do not want to wait even a year. They are in a hurry to get married and from their own experience they are convinced of the validity of the old saying: “If you rush, you will make people laugh.” If you get married too hastily, you will have plenty of time later to regret it.

Key number 4. How consistent is your interest?

Enthusiasm: When you're passionate, your interest flares up and then goes out. One reason for this is that infatuation occurs too quickly and therefore the roots are not deep. And in general, your relationship is superficial.

Real love: When you truly love, your feelings will be warm and tender rather than fluctuating from ardent passion to cold indifference, they will be more constant. True love grows slowly, but its roots run deep.

Key number 5. How does the feeling affect you?

Enthusiasm: Infatuation has a disorganizing effect on your personality. Makes you less responsible and efficient. Romantic feelings completely take over you, and you walk around, immersed in dreams. The girl who says, "I know he has flaws, but nothing matters except our love" is infatuated... TEMPORARILY! Once married, she will eventually discover that many other things still matter.

Real love: When your love is genuine, your best qualities come out and you strive to become even better. A guy who really loves says about his girlfriend: “I love her not only because she is so beautiful, but also because she inspires me to show my best qualities.”

Key number 6. How do you treat others?

Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, for you the whole “universe” revolves around one person. The rest of your relationships seem completely unimportant to you. You are even ready to reject family and friends. Your feeling becomes the most important thing in your life. It is the only thing that matters to you from now on. You think that for the sake of this amazing “love” that has entered your life, you can be forgiven for doing any actions. As we've said before, most hobbies don't last, but the mistakes you make while under the influence often have lifelong consequences.

Real love: When you truly love, your beloved person is the most important person in the world for you, but relationships with family and friends do not lose their importance.

Key No. 7. How do others view your relationship?

Enthusiasm: What others think of your “lover” is a very important test. When you're in love, it's likely that your parents and many of your friends won't approve of the relationship. One of the dangerous aspects of infatuation is that you tend to idealize the other person. You don't see flaws because you are "blinded by love." Your friends try to point out some red flags, but you ignore them. Your parents lovingly warn you, trying to prevent you from making a big mistake, but you don't listen. Young people sometimes say: “So what? We’re marrying each other, not our family and friends.” You can also adhere to this position, but it is unforgivable stupidity to neglect the advice of people who love you. Over the years of your life, both you and your loved one have developed a certain circle of friends. We all strive to be like those we choose as friends; they become like us. Therefore, your friends are, in a sense, your “mirror”. If you're passionate about someone, your friends often don't share the same feelings. If they see red flags, you should pay attention and listen to their opinion.

Real love: When you truly love, there is a greater chance that your parents and most of your friends will approve of your choice. For God to bless your marriage, the consent and approval of your parents is very important.

Key No. 8. How do breakups affect?

Enthusiasm: One of the best tests for feeling is the test of distance. If you are just passionate, then time and distance will kill your feeling. This also explains the breakups of those couples whose main interest was physical attractiveness. Over time, another living person nearby will replace the loved one who remains only in the photograph.

Real love: When you really love, the absence of your loved one only exacerbates your feeling. True love will definitely stand the test of distance and time. It is based not only on the physical attractiveness of a person, it accepts him entirely as a person. Time spent together helps you grow together. Therefore, when separated, you seem to lose your part. Another person, even a very attractive one, cannot fill the emptiness in your heart. Being at a distance, of course, you may experience anxiety and sadness. You will be worried about the thought: “What if he (or she) meets someone else?” And this can happen. But if your loved one is capable of finding happiness with someone else, then it is better to find out about this before, rather than after, marriage. Therefore, if you are facing separation, accept it and do not worry. If your feeling is only infatuation, and it will not withstand such a test, it is better to find out before it is too late.

Key number 9. How do disagreements affect feelings?

Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, you often quarrel. You can make peace, but over time, quarrels become more frequent and serious. You become like two porcupines in the cold. When they are apart, they shake from the cold, but as soon as they press against each other, they prick each other with their needles. "Anton and Alina dated for more than two years. During this time they quarreled and made up at least once a month. Discord arose over any trifle or imaginary offense. Both acted out terrible jealousy. And then Maria, best friend Alina tried to open their eyes. One day Alina shared with her the details of her last quarrel and threatened: “Let him just try to get me back! I won’t even talk to him!” “I think you will, Alina,” Maria addressed her gently, “but I hope that you will firmly tell him: “Goodbye, Anton, it’s all over.” And then she explained her position to her surprised friend: “You both awaken in each other the worst. You fight because you have nothing else to talk about. Strife, tears and romantic “reconciliations” only relieve you of boredom.

Real love: When you are truly in love, you may have disagreements, but true love survives them and quarrels become less frequent and serious. Every couple must learn how to resolve conflicts. It is much better to discuss differences openly and honestly than to let them fester in the back of your mind.

Key number 10. How do you view your relationships?

Enthusiasm: When you are infatuated, you tend to think of yourself and your loved one as two people, and accordingly use pronouns in your thoughts and speech: “I”, “me”, “mine”, “he”, “his” , or "she", "her". You think of you as two separate individuals.

Real love: When you really love, you usually use the words: “we”, “our”, “us”. You think of you as one. This key may not seem so important when you are just dating, but it is of great importance in marriage. When a marriage is based on passion, husband and wife may find more pleasure in pursuing different interests than in joint activities. The husband may yearn and want to “go out with friends” more than spending time at home with his family. Or the wife will become more interested in her social connections than in her household responsibilities.
In families where true love exists, husband and wife enjoy doing things together. A common response here is: "I don't want to go if you can't go too."

Key No. 11. Are you selfish or selfless?

Enthusiasm: When you are infatuated, your interest in the other person is mainly selfish. A guy can date a beautiful and noticeable girl only because it flatters his pride and raises his prestige. She may be capricious and spoiled, but since she is the "queen" of the school, he becomes the "king" next to her. In the same way, a girl can keep a guy “on a leash” not because she is really interested in him, but because his devotion raises her value in the eyes of others.

Real love: When you really love, you like a person for what he is, and not because he can help you assert yourself.

Key number 12. What is the basis of your feelings?

Enthusiasm: Is your goal to find a person who will completely devote his life to making you happy? Do you take care of yourself first? If yes, then you are just infatuated. Your general attitude is selfish - you care most about what you can get from this relationship.

Real love: Love is selfless and devoted. You strive to do whatever it takes to bring joy to others. You are primarily interested in what you can give, not what you can receive.

Evaluate your feeling. Take a sheet of paper and carefully study the keys, starting with the first one. Give an assessment of your feelings for each of them. If you want, the keys can show not only whether your love is real, but also a certain degree of your feeling. In most cases, the clues show a mixture of infatuation and true love. Therefore, rate each key on a ten-point scale. Zero will mean infatuation, and 10 will mean love. For example, when looking at clue #1, you might decide, “To be completely honest, I was mainly interested in physical attractiveness, so I'll give myself two points.” If, when examining key No. 7, you see that approximately half of your friends approve of your choice, and half do not, then give yourself five points. When you rate yourself on all twelve keys, add up your points. An overall score of 80 or higher shows that your senses are fairly reliable. For your part, you can believe that your love can become the basis for a successful marriage. But that's only on your part. The person you love must also take this test and score a large number of points. Love must be mutual. No matter how much you love this person, one-sided love will not help. He should experience the same feelings in return. If you score between 50 and 80 points, you will need more time to see how your relationship develops. If the points scored are less than 50, you are just carried away.

So try to save your heart. First of all, do not complicate your relationship with sexual intimacy and do not rush into marriage.
Also note the following: A high score on this test does not necessarily mean that you are ready for marriage. First of all, you may still be too young for marriage, even if you have scored a lot of points. Secondly, even if you are the right age, you may simply not know each other well yet. As we have already said, you you need to know each other well for at least two years before thinking about marriage.

Good luck and love to you! True Love!

Let's spend
a little experiment. Love yourself right now! What doesn't work? Straightaway
do recent grievances come to mind? This means that there is already self-pity,
replacing true love. What, has the assessment of oneself gone in comparison with
others and their achievements? Here love is replaced by a feeling of one's own
importance.
How can you experience real love for yourself?
Imagine for a moment that you are holding a one-month-old kitten in your hands.
The creature is soft, tender, fluffy. Looks at you trustingly gray
eyes. Innocence itself! Life didn’t have time to spoil him, he loves everyone and
you too. So how? How do you feel about the little creature?
Have warmth, affection, tenderness appeared? Now move these
feelings about yourself. Remember your feelings! This is pure
love, just like that, for nothing!
I recommend using this method (and similar ones) constantly. It helps a lot in life.
Costs
clearly understand one simple truth. Your organs, tissues, cells
your body, the quanta of your energy always need your love for them.
It is love and your care for them that nourishes them with vitality. From the fact
how much love you gave today to your inner quanta and
cells depends on how well they feel and are ready
work for the good to improve your life.
Do not be shy
mentally speak to them and express your love to them with feelings. Believe me
At least they understand feelings. And where do you direct your feelings,
They also capture excellently. Try to give as much as possible
pure love(just like that, for no reason) with all your internal components,
right down to the last baby, to the last quantum and wave of time in
your whole being. Look at the effect. The mood improves
health is also better, performance increases, new useful ideas
appear as if out of nowhere. And over the years this effect only intensifies,
of course, with constant exercise in pure self-love. This
ability also needs to be trained and improved, like any
practical skill. It’s like learning to walk or write – over the course of years. But
Positive results from this practice are growing.
Recommended
immediately take into account one important circumstance of a purely natural order. Force
Love is a natural energy that is designed to create life forms.
Your viability and ability to survive depend on its presence or absence.
practice to improve life, change circumstances. If we consider
briefly expressing this energy in natural processes and phenomena, then
you can notice the following:
1) the power of our perception and
awareness belongs to the category of energy that carries the quality of LOVE –
WISDOM, these energies are blue or bright blue in color;
2)
our ability to manage ourselves and be the master of our lives is inherent
nature in energy carrying the quality LOVE - FREE WILL, this is energy
pronounced purple shades;
3) our financial well-being
depends on the amount of natural energy carrying the quality of LOVE –
ABUNDANCE, often energy of golden shades or deep purple
colors;
4) mental and physical health depend on the availability of
body of energy carrying the quality LOVE – POWER, universal color
health energies of aquamarine light shades;
5) ours
ability to exist harmoniously in society and productively
interact with society and people depend on the amount of energy,
carrying the quality of LOVE - UNION, this is the energy of white, blue and
pink and purple tones.
This is by no means a complete list of how
the energies of love manifest themselves in our lives. But, I hope, from the above
It’s clear from the examples above that you and I can’t live without the pure qualities of love.
It’s impossible, because we simply won’t survive.
We must also clearly understand that the qualities true love always expressed in humans as:
1) a sense of respect (no matter - to yourself, to others or to the quantum of your body);
2) the desire to take care (of oneself, of other people, of the cells of one’s body, and so on);
3) the desire to protect, preserve (life in all its manifestations, but without fears; careful attitude and fear are two different things).
Conclusion
simple! Gentlemen! Give yourself real love, without feeling
self-importance and without self-pity. This is exactly what you need
at all levels of your physical and energetic structure. The more
this is the kind of love you will feel for yourself (respectful, caring,
protecting), the more vitality you will have. A game
worth the candle!