Be a friend found another friend. Women's friendship: what rules to “play” to be friends and not compete
Hello! My name is Masha. I am 16 years old and I study in 10th grade. Well, let's start with the fact that I have very few friends. We can say that there are no real ones. This is what we will talk about. I have a best friend. More precisely, it was until we finally quarreled. We communicated with her kindergarten. Always together: at any time, at any second.
She was my only best friend who I could rely on and tell all my secrets. This is the only person with whom I laughed sincerely, from the heart. The most fun moments in my life were preserved with her. In general, I was happy with her like no one else. Years have passed. We have grown up. Everything in life has changed completely. We have changed too. By the way, I note that from the 5th grade we study separately, because the classes are all mixed. Well, accordingly, we found new girlfriends in our class, but we were still inseparable. There were only ones in her class girls lung behavior, smoking, drinking. (thank God, she didn’t pick up anything bad from them) In private, I admit, we discussed them, said how bad they were, etc. She is friends with these girls to this day. After that, we began to spend very little time with each other, rarely walked, we moved away. She began to hang out with her classmates more and more often, without even inviting me (which personally offended me). I felt disgusted to be with her, if I can put it that way. She became arrogant, lost weight, and became prettier. In general, of course, this is not bad, and it’s very good that she found herself and improved. But apart from her talking about losing weight, about guys, I didn’t hear anything. She has changed. She is no longer that cheerful girl you can just have fun with. It’s not like I had fun, I couldn’t even talk to her about a personal topic.... I somehow felt uneasy. It was as if a stranger was nearby... Of course, I knew that she had made many friends and acquaintances whom she had not even introduced me to. But I knew them all. These were the people we judged, the ones we really didn't like. This is the most offensive thing. Why this duplicity? Having gone through so much together, we supported each other, helped, and she was so... Why? What's wrong with me? Maybe I'm too sad and ugly? Most likely it is. Help, please. After all, I no longer have best friends. There is only a classmate-friend who is always trying to humiliate me in front of everyone, to ridicule me and who talks about her boyfriend every minute. Give me the right advice. How to forget and let go of your best friend? How to find new friends? How?
Psychologist's answer:
Hello Maria!
You are now experiencing disappointment in your friend. Because she has changed and these changes seem unacceptable to you. In general, you are now at an age when personality changes are inevitable. All people go through this and we can only come to terms with it. I think you are changing too. But in what direction these changes will be directed is another question, each person is unique and individual, he chooses his own values, circle of friends and interests. In many ways, this process depends on the upbringing and personality characteristics of a person. Your friend, apparently, turned out to be a person easily susceptible to bad influence, since she began to communicate with people who have bad habits. Unfortunately, this is her choice, you cannot do anything about it. All you can do is try not to hold a grudge against her and maintain a good attitude towards her inside, at least in memory of the fact that you used to be true friends. This way, at least you won’t lose this part of your life, which will be important to you for some time to come. You shouldn’t blame yourself for the fact that your friend preferred another company. This, of course, is painful and difficult to survive, but it is not your fault. You are simply different by nature, you have different values and interests, which means you need to look for people in your environment with the same interests and values, you will feel comfortable communicating with them. Under no circumstances should you try to adapt to that bad company, because you will not find real friends among them, but will only deceive yourself. Start developing your interests, visit some clubs, sections, circles, there you will definitely meet new people who share the same hobbies and values as you. I am sure that if you follow this path, everything will work out well for you! And that classmate-friend who publicly humiliates you - it is better not to communicate closely with her, because such communication does not bring any satisfaction, but only harms you.
Your friend has found herself a boyfriend. It would seem like the right time to be happy for her that she has found her soul mate, but for some reason you are not in the mood for fun. He spends more and more time with his boyfriend, and less with you, it seems to you that she is gradually moving away from you. H what to do if your best friend finds a boyfriend?
Put yourself in her shoes
What if you found a guy and not your girlfriend? Then you would spend more time with him. She is now getting used to a new role for herself - the role of her beloved girl. This euphoria, delight - all this will subside over time, and you will be happy to discover that your friend is still faithful to you, and she didn’t exchange you for a guy.
What do you feel?
Sort out your feelings try to understand how you feel now. If envy prevails, you feel sorry for yourself that it was not you who found the guy, but your girlfriend, then the whole problem is not that she found her love, but in you.
Lead a fulfilling life
Over time, friends can literally disappear into each other. That is, they can no longer imagine their lives without each other. And therefore one suffers greatly because of this. That the second spends less time with her than usual. Find yourself a new hobby to keep yourself occupied when you are free and your friend is busy. Live your life, because you are a self-sufficient person. Remember what you have long wanted to do, where to go, and make your dream come true.
Express your opinions and intentions when appropriate.
For example, you and your friend had some specific plans, but at the last moment she changed them and decided to spend time with her boyfriend. You can’t put up with this, of course, because you’ve already agreed, but you shouldn’t argue either. Calmly tell your friend that you are not happy with what is happening.. You guys agreed, why is she changing plans now? Explain to her calmly what she is wrong about, and this will make her friend think.
Use her beau
Befriend your friend's boyfriend, or at least pretend that you want to make friends if you don't like him. Through it you can somehow influence your friend, or rather, her decisions. She wants to take a walk with him, and you invite him to take a walk together, and the guy will put in a good word for you. Or you can also ask him if there are any available guys among his friends. Maybe soon things will work out with one of them, and you will all go on double dates together.
Humble yourself
If nothing helps you get your beloved girlfriend back, you should come to terms with the current state of affairs. If she is fixated on her boyfriend, she will move further and further away from you, this is difficult to prevent. Perhaps she didn't consider you such a good friend.
Instructions
Why was my best friend offended? Before you figure out how to make peace, remember what could be in your words that made the person with whom you were previously “inseparable” stop communicating with you. After all best friends They don’t pay attention to small jokes, they are only offended by really serious words.
Most often, best friends are offended by lack of trust. You hid something that your friend simply had to know about. She has thoughts that your friendship is not as strong as it seemed. She is offended that she was more open with you than you were. If this is your situation, explain to your friend why you didn’t share it with her. Tell your friend that you haven’t fully decided on your attitude to the problem and wanted to tell your friend after you solve it for yourself. Or explain that you were ashamed of your behavior. Although who cares best friend You can voice your stupidest actions.
Often your best friends are offended that you pay less attention to them. This mainly happens when you have a permanent relationship with a man, and your friend is left alone. Try to understand her. Previously, you were always together, but now you have a couple, and she has lonely evenings and weekends. Don't let your friend get bored. Try to help her arrange her personal life by introducing her to the guy's friends. Organize get-togethers. Well, don't refuse best friend in communication. One evening a week can be devoted to your meetings, where there will be no strangers. You will be able, as before, to chat about everything and remember the fun days when you were together much more often than now.
Your friend could be offended by anything, but if you want to maintain communication, be sure to try to talk. A frank conversation will put everything in its place. Express everything that is on your soul, share your feelings. Let your friend also open up about what’s bothering her. You can even cry together - it really brings people together. And always believe that if your friendship is real, then the resentment will soon pass, and you will be together again.
Many young people whose loved one has left are wondering how to get their girlfriend back at any cost. This desire can only make sense if you are sure that the relationship has not reached its end point, and something else can be saved, both on your part and on the girl’s part. How to make your ex-girlfriend come back and restore your feelings? There are several steps that can help you rekindle your relationship.
Instructions
Think seriously about whether you love girl in fact, or you just don’t want anything to change in your life. If you are just used to it and don’t want to work for a new relationship, there is no point in reviving the old ones. If you really still have feelings, and you suspect that they exist from the outside, girlfriends, there is a reason to try to return it.
Communicating with my ex girlfriend, never make a scene or show your weakness. If she sees you as a weak and desperate person, she is unlikely to want to return. Learn to control your emotions, and if you need to complain to someone, invite a close friend to visit.
Let the girl know that even if she left, you are always ready to talk to her as a friend. Be open and friendly, unobtrusively demonstrate your best qualities, change for the better - she will notice it.
