How easy it is to learn to control yourself and your emotions. How to control your emotions: useful tips and exercises Controlling emotions

Emotions are what makes us human. But sometimes the expression of feelings is completely inappropriate, interferes with thinking sensibly and leads to mistakes. You cannot (and should not!) keep yourself from experiencing certain emotions. But it needs to be manifested and expressed at the right time and in the right place. Use your feelings constructively and don't let them destroy everything you've been trying to achieve for so long.

Don't rock yourself

Regulate the temperature of your emotions like the temperature on a thermostat. Not too hot, not too cold - just right to feel good. This applies to both good and bad emotions.

Excessive enthusiasm can be inappropriate, as can overly aggressive or depressive behavior.

People who know how to control their emotions always try to avoid disharmony in their state of mind.

Stop to think

Do you feel like you're boiling? This dangerous condition, and you need to get yourself in order as soon as possible. Instead of reacting to the situation immediately, think about what tools and solutions you can use. Cool down and reflect on what happened, regaining your focus and ability to analyze. Hasty decisions most often bring a bitter feeling of regret. On the other hand, a short pause will help you focus on what is most important and choose an effective and tactful way to solve the problem.

Avoid emotional overload

Emotional overload is a situation in which a certain feeling completely takes over you. This condition is accompanied by physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, increased breathing, trembling knees, sweating and nausea. Do you feel something similar? This is a clear sign that you are emotionally overwhelmed. Instead of going with the flow and giving up, pull yourself together! Process the information piece by piece, gradually coming to your senses. You can evaluate the result with a sober look.

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Practice deep breathing

The body's reaction to emotional overload directly affects all muscles of the body. You experience tension, after which you will definitely feel overwhelmed. To avoid such surges, practice deep breathing. It will saturate your brain with oxygen and help you relax. The technique is very simple: stop whatever you are doing, close your eyes and inhale very slowly through your nose, counting down five seconds. Hold your breath for another two seconds, and then exhale just as slowly through your mouth, again counting to five. Repeat at least 10 times.

Avoid emotional company

People are known to easily convey their emotions to others. This is why you should avoid those who see only the negative in everything: you will borrow the same point of view without even noticing. The same applies to overly emotional people. If you want to control your feelings and be in harmony, you should distance yourself from those who can be called drama queens.

Think about the solution, not the problem

A negative reaction to a difficult situation is one of the most common problems associated with emotions. Feeling sad or angry as a reaction to changed circumstances is normal, but irrational.

You can’t stop thinking about the problem; you need to use the time to think through a plan for the next actions.

Make a list of possible solutions, be creative and... During work, emotions will fade into the background, you will come out of the situation as a winner.

Emotions arise as a reaction to some events or as a response to the actions and words of other people. It is a mistake to think that it is impossible to control your emotions and feelings.

Fear of showing emotions

Fear of expressing emotions or the inability to understand them makes it difficult to solve many personal problems and also interferes with the achievement of goals.

Basically, a person seeks to avoid unpleasant emotions by refusing any actions that could lead to these emotions. For example, avoiding meeting with family because of past disagreements, a person is afraid of manifestations of negative emotions.

It is important to understand that you will not get rid of feelings in this case. On the contrary, unpleasant, painful thoughts will continue to torment you even more.

Be bolder and decide what is better: to experience unpleasant emotions and improve relationships with loved ones, or to delay the solution to the problem, which can completely quarrel between you. In any case, try to find a positive consequence from any negative emotion.

2 Ways to Control Emotions

The first way to take control of your emotions is through denial.

In attempts to deny, ignore existing difficulties, and drown out the emotions caused by this, you will again only increase your suffering and stress.

Another way to control emotions is that a person often strengthens his bad state by indulging his own negative emotions.

This method can be characterized by one phrase: “No matter how bad I feel, I will make it even worse.”

However, emotions cannot be avoided, they must be used - effectively and for your own benefit. Even the most negative and unpleasant emotions that you try to control actually benefit you, because they are a call to action, to change, to new searches for solutions to the problem. or any other current situation.

Your emotions are you

The psychology of emotions shows that each of them is a certain signal that tells you how to act.

Negative emotions, for example, tell us that at the moment you are acting incorrectly, your decisions are wrong, your approaches are not working.

Unpleasant emotions indicate the cause of their occurrence

The feeling of depression or apathy that we often try to control is a signal that it is worth reconsidering not only short-term goals, but also long-term priorities in values, because perhaps you simply took the wrong path or your guidelines have changed, but circumstances are not yet subject to new changes.

To control negative emotions, we offer you the Anthony Robbins technique, which includes six simple steps. This technique will allow you to take control of a negative emotion by searching for the positive in it.

Step one in situations when you feel overloaded or stressed (the feeling that everything is falling on you at once), do not give in to this emotion that is inexplicable in words.

Try to turn this lump into individual manifestations of feelings. Anger? Resentment? Disappointment? And ask yourself: “Is this a disappointment? Or do I just not like the current situation?”, “Am I offended? Or do I feel distant from the person I love?”

This is the so-called way of using transformational vocabulary to reduce and control the negative emotions experienced.

Step two To control your emotions, analyze and evaluate it.

Accept the emotion as it is. This, for example, is the case when you behaved rudely towards a person, and then you realize that you acted unfairly. Here you need to try to figure out why this emotion arose. Either the problem is you or the irritant. Don't try to control impulsive emotions, rather give her freedom.

Step three consists of a genuine interest in one’s emotions. By answering a few questions honestly, you can learn to control your emotions and feelings in the future.

Here are some questions that will help you with this: “What do I want to feel?”, “What can I do to get a solution to the problem and cope with the emotion?”, “Why does this problem cause this particular emotion?”, “What can you learn from this?

Step four - with guard your confidence when trying to keep your emotions under control. For example, in case of apathy, try to remember how you fought it last time? What actions have you or your loved ones taken to reduce your anger? Based on your own experience or the experience of people you know, you thereby develop a strategy for managing and controlling emotion.

Step five Remember your experience, write down your recipes for dealing with negative emotions. This way, you will create an action plan for yourself and be ready for new emotions, which means you will be able to predict their occurrence and control your emotions in time.

Create an emotion to test your readiness to perceive that emotion.

How to manage your emotions? Controlling the emotion of anger

Anger can manifest itself as mild irritation, anger, or even rage. Anger appears as a reaction to a violation by someone or by yourself of any principle or habitual law of your life, norm.

Think about whether you interpreted the situation correctly, because the person who caused your outburst of anger may not know what is important to you.

Your standards may be unacceptable to others, and the person, in accordance with his principles, committed an act that hurt you so deeply.

How to control your anger? Try to make the most of what happened. Ask yourself the questions “Why did this happen?”, “How to build your relationship with this person in the future?”, “How do my principles relate to his principles, is there a compromise?”

How to manage your emotions? Controlling the emotion of fear

The emotion of fear is expressed in anxiety, and various fears, anxiety or even horror. Unlike many other emotions, fear has a purpose. Fear is an expectation of something specific that requires us to react and be prepared.

You have two decisions: wait to meet your fear face to face, or try to change the course of events. Often people either become completely immersed in fear and inflate it to unimaginable proportions, or begin to deny fear altogether.

How to control fear?
To control fear, you need to analyze why it appeared, and also think through the conditions and actions that will help you survive the approach of this stressful situation. For example, in the case of an important speech, interview, or exam, you need to be one hundred percent confident in your knowledge and be prepared for possible questions.

Formation of emotional intelligence

What emotions should you cultivate and train in yourself? Those that will help you adjust your communication with others and with yourself will give you strength and, to some extent, help counteract the negative ones.

Love and care rightfully take first place. Any communication rests on these two pillars, which at the same time are excellent antidotes to negative anger, anger or resentment.

It is important to show approval and gratitude, which will both enrich you and help develop expressions of love and care in others. Moreover, approval and gratitude are actively expressed through thoughts, words and actions.

Determination will undoubtedly help you cope with failures in life. If you have a goal, then nothing will bring you closer to achieving it than showing your determination.

The ability to make a firm decision is one of the most important skills in goal setting. But in order to force yourself to do something, you need confidence. And confidence, in turn, is based on faith and hope, and on their basis new strong beliefs are born that help move towards new horizons.

At the same time, if you show flexibility, you can avoid stressful situations. After all, it may well be that circumstances at one time or another will clearly turn against you, and you will not be able to change them, then it will be easier to change your approach to the matter and your attitude towards it.

Developing and controlling all the emotions in your life is truly a great skill, and definitely the ability to respond to negative things with positive ones while maintaining good spirits and a smile is a choice in favor of becoming a happy person.

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You can often hear from Gestalt therapists that constant control of one’s emotions not only does not help to cope with emerging problems, but even worsens them, and developing the ability to express one’s feelings and emotions more boldly and spontaneously is a useful thing for many. And for you, dear readers? Are the recommendations “learn to openly express the emotions that arise, don’t keep them to yourself,” so popular in women’s magazines, also relevant to you? Or is another task more important to you - to be able to control yourself, to be able to restrain and control your emotions?

Indeed, what is necessary for a sick person is no longer appropriate for a healthy person, and where a sick person needs to reduce the load and lie in bed, it’s high time for a healthy person to get up, do exercises, shower, have breakfast - and go to work! The recommendations of psychotherapists are addressed to those who need psychotherapeutic help, and beyond this situation their relevance needs to be considered. Looks like there's a lot of confusion here.

The attitude “You need to control your emotions” is not a ban on emotions in general, but the cultivation of an emotional culture and simply the habit of a decent person. Fears “Control of emotions leads to suppression of emotions, as a result of which children grow up unemotional” - empty. If parents explain to a child that it is impossible to fight with iron sticks, this is not a ban on movements at all and this will not lead to the child’s physical underdevelopment. Our children can and should be lively and emotional, but feelings of rage, helplessness and self-pity should hardly be the main notes in the range of emotional experiences of our children. The ability to freely express your spontaneous emotions is a great ability, but it does not at all contradict the ability to control your emotions in other situations. There is a time and place for everything.

What is emotional control? Emotion control is the strict management of involuntary emotions, primarily with the aim of containing them, one of the important components of a person’s control over himself and his emotions.

Important: control is not necessarily a ban. Control does not necessarily prohibit; control also prescribes. A high-level manager (and simply a developed person) has all emotions under control, and this is not just normal, but necessary and good. High-quality control of emotions helps you not to be lazy and include the right emotions, to always be emotional, but emotional in the right way. continuation

Who complains about lack of emotional self-control? - an interesting question. Truly mature people do not complain about their lack of self-control; they develop it. Complaining is childish behavior, and children often complain about a lack of self-control, covering up their reluctance to grow up.

“I can bombard a loved one with (stupid) text messages that infuriate both him and myself. I can behave aggressively. Show my anger. Moreover, this only manifests itself on people close to me. My mother, my beloved man, my grandfather, even friends. I quickly cool down and they forgive me..."

The girl complains about a lack of emotional self-control, but this is more likely to attract attention and self-justification than a real desire to develop self-control. What could be the solution here? Either the girl will be locked in (life will force her), or she will be successfully drawn into a new, adult life.

With the light hand of illiterate specialists they write that controlling emotions is harmful. This is not entirely true, or rather, not at all true.

Psychologist George Bonanno from Columbia University decided to compare students' stress levels with their ability to control their emotions. He measured the stress levels of first-year students and asked them to complete an experiment in which they had to demonstrate different levels of emotional expression - exaggerated, understated and normal. A year and a half later, Bonanno reassembled the subjects and measured their stress levels. It turned out that the students who experienced the least stress were the same students who, during the experiment, successfully increased and suppressed emotions on command. In addition, as the scientist found out, these students were more capable of tuning into the state of their interlocutor.

Long-term containment of negative emotions is like putting up with garbage in your house for years.
And controlling emotions is about not littering your home and putting things in order quickly.
How noticeable is this difference?

Controlling emotions is like sport: it is useful for a healthy person, but harmful for a sick person. Controlling emotions is socially necessary, but for a neurotic or emotional person it is too difficult a task, giving more problems than gains. Where an active person will be engaged in business, an emotional person will unwind emotions out of the blue, after which the task of controlling them will arise. Later, perhaps, the task of suppressing unacceptable emotions. When emotions are inflamed, controlling emotions is already the task of suppressing them. The main thing, dear fellow psychologists, is not to confuse the suppression of emotions and their control: the first is difficult and rather harmful, and the second, at least for a healthy and active person, is useful, reasonable and necessary.

And, what's more, it's not very difficult. The more emotions become voluntary, the less the task of controlling them arises. Controlling them becomes as natural as controlling your own arms and legs. Raising your spirits is as easy for a person with developed psychological culture as raising your hand is for a healthy person. Develop your emotions, learn to manage your emotions, and you won't have to control them!

Emotions play important role In human life. Failure to manage them can lead to unfortunate events. This article will tell you what emotions are and how to control them correctly.

The content of the article:

Emotions are one of the functions of the neuropsychic activity of the body, perception and reaction to the world and the events taking place there. People express their attitude to this through emotions. The ability to control a situation to one degree or another is inherent in everyone. What seems simple and ordinary to us, scientists have been studying for many centuries. It is interesting that for a full life a person needs not only positive, but also negative emotions associated with anger, resentment, and despair.

Why control your emotions?

In order to become happy and free, a person must be able to manage himself. Lack of control over your emotions is fraught with thoughtless actions. Feelings are unpredictable and can interfere with even good intentions. Their spontaneous nature makes it difficult to move towards their goals.

Everyone experiences emotional experiences differently. When negative, a psychomotor delay occurs, which can even cause pathologies. Failure to control your emotions can also lead to:

• Offense to loved ones. In a fit of anger, a person is capable of uttering many unflattering phrases and insults to his family. Resentment is the same as aggression.
• Loss of trust. As a rule, it takes months, and sometimes years, to build close relationships with others. You can lose them once and for all by simply weakening control over your own feelings.
• Cardiovascular diseases. Strong psychological distress can lead to serious physiological consequences. Often it is the heart that suffers the most.
• Decreased immunity. Any stress has a destructive effect that can reduce the resistance of the body's defenses.
• Psychological disorders, depression. Under prolonged moral and emotional pressure, a person can fall into depression, a way out of which is possible only with long-term drug treatment.

Suppressing emotions is ignoring a problem, fearing how to solve it. Many people believe that a person needs psychological release, and to some extent this is true. Psychologists have long said that if you give yourself the opportunity to cry or get angry, depression will ease. The latter state appears due to the absence of any psycho-emotional experiences.

As we grow older, we learn how and when to express our feelings and how to control our emotions. If the outbursts of consciousness do not find a way out, then they accumulate. And to avoid this, you have to choose - to suppress or still manage emotions. The first option, unlike the second, will not help solve existing problems, but will only aggravate them. It's like a time bomb waiting to happen.

By managing our emotions, we strive for peace and tranquility, and by suppressing them, we live in fear and risk many chronic diseases. Most emotional states have a strong impact on a person’s behavior in society. That is why special methods have been developed on how to properly manage your emotions.

Note! Uncontrolled feelings can cause significant harm to relationships with other people. For example, it is difficult to find people who want to communicate with a person who “explodes” for any reason.

The main types of emotions in humans

Since feelings cannot be the same in different circumstances, it is quite logical that they are divided into certain types. Emotions can be positive, negative (negative), neutral.

Exists special kind emotions - an affect in which a person is practically unable to control them. It’s like an emergency program of the body: depending on the circumstances, a person can become aggressive, go on the run or become numb, kill someone, although he hasn’t even hurt a fly before.

Positive emotions are:

1. Delight is a strong rise in positive emotions.
2. Trust is a feeling when open, trusting relationships are built between people.
3. Pride is usually a positive self-assessment of one's own or others' actions.
4. Joy corresponds to an internal feeling of satisfaction.
5. Love is a feeling of deep affection.
6. Tenderness strengthens relationships and creates affection between people.
7. Pleasure is expressed in receiving a positive emotional background.
8. Liking is liking a person based on shared views, values, or interests.

Negative emotions are:

• Grief is a person’s reaction to loss, the loss of a loved one.
• Fear is a negative feeling associated with a threat to human safety.
• Anxiety - occurs in a situation of anticipation of an uncertain danger.
• Anger is essentially an affect directed against experienced injustice.
• Despair is a state of human hopelessness.
• Revenge is an act of retribution for grievances and evil caused.
• Schadenfreude is the joy associated with someone's failure.
• Melancholy is also called mental anxiety.

Neutral emotions manifest themselves like this:

1. Curiosity is a petty interest in learning about unimportant details.
2. Amazement is extreme surprise at something.
3. Indifference or apathy is a state of complete indifference to current events.

All negative feelings are provoked by the external environment and our reaction to it. Therefore, they are more difficult to cope with than emotions of internal tension. We may or may not be irritated by certain factors, but the whole point is in our perception of the universe.

Emotional reactions to stress can lead to both positive and negative consequences. It would be wise to immediately understand the problem and find a way out of the current situation. Feelings will arise, but their influence will not be so strong, it will be easier to react to external factors and control them.

What emotions need to be worked on?

It’s not just negative emotions that need control. The skills to control positive feelings and reactions to certain factors also need to be learned to apply. It is worth working with those emotions that can cause suffering, both to yourself and to others, as well as those that make you feel shame for what you have done in the future.

Nowadays, coping with internal anxiety, stress, and negative situations is not at all easy. A person has to live non-stop, constantly striving to survive, to be no worse than others, to earn money. All this leads to moral exhaustion. And now he is forced to look for an answer to the question of whether it is possible to control emotions without wasting a lot of time.

Christianity talks about the seven deadly sins, such as stinginess, envy, lust, gluttony, despondency, laziness, and pride. They are the cause of many of the resulting vices. Because of pride, we plot all sorts of intrigues against people; because of envy, we hate those who have achieved more than us.

If we combine these vices into the “three pillars” of the emotional world, we get the following:

• Selfishness. The part of the personality that wants recognition, praise, superiority over other people. This shows our social existence, the image that we want to leave in the minds of the people around us. Selfishness also includes: envy, greed, pride, resentment, gloating, vanity, ambition. This is a strong source of our experiences.
• Thirst for strong experiences. Thrills that bring physical pleasure, such as lust and gluttony. Participation in intrigues, creation of conflict situations. TV addiction computer games.
• Weaknesses. They are expressed in weak character, lack of will, dependence on outside opinions, excitement, nervousness, passivity, fear, cowardice, humility, despondency and laziness, etc.

The ability to control emotions will help you avoid most problems.

Methods for managing emotions

How to control your emotions? We often ask ourselves this question. Our attitude towards emotions is somewhat similar to our attitude towards old age, which, as Cicero said, everyone wants to achieve, and having achieved it, they blame it. The ability to withstand stress and not give in to impulses that are not consistent with the demands of reason has always been considered the most important characteristic of human wisdom.

In order not to become a patient in a neurosis clinic, you must be able to pull yourself together. But, unfortunately, many do not know how to learn to control their emotions. There are many methods for this.

Psychologists advise first to master the following methods:

• Restrain yourself. It is necessary not to respond to provocations, not to react to every boor. Before responding to the offender, you should count to five. It is necessary to learn to block emotions on the advice of psychologists: first we think, then we speak. We breathe calmly, our speech is even. You can go out, drink a glass of water to calm down, think and respond adequately.
• Self-hypnosis. This is often saying certain phrases to yourself, for example, “I am calm,” “I control myself.” An esoteric method of self-hypnosis - for those who master energy techniques, enhancing courage and suppressing fear. Self-hypnosis can be used to change negative emotions to positive ones.
• Switch or use shock therapy. Not every person can fight back an opponent. Sometimes it's easier to switch your thoughts to something positive. For example, ask an unexpected question. Exists a large number of ways to control emotions. Use your imagination as a canvas, imagine that your opponent is singing a funny song or has a funny hat on his head. Mentally draw a tall, strong wall around you. Try to disconnect from reality for a while. In this case, the provocateur will not be able to provoke a response. The “cap” method helps especially well: if your opponent yells or insults, but there is no way to answer him, you need to imagine him under a dome or some other thing that can muffle the sound of his voice.
• Meditation. It helps you control not only your body, but also your spirit. Concentration techniques make it possible to develop states of peace and relaxation, understand yourself and consider your anger, and learn to let go of your negative emotions.
• Daily physical exercise . Sometimes accumulated negativity prevents you from mastering yourself. To eliminate it, you can load your body even with the most simple exercises. Morning jogging, classes in sports clubs will help tidy up not only the body, but also the soul, and all the negativity will burn out during training. If you feel angry, just play sports and let it out.
• Prayer. It is recommended to read the prayer not only before going to bed, but also at any free moment. If a believer feels that he is losing control, he needs to close his eyes and read a prayer, ask God for strength, take away all the negativity and give him patience, wisdom, and goodwill. The main aspect is built on peace and tranquility.
• Yoga breathing pranayama. Prana is Vital energy, breathing. Yama - control, management of feelings. The breathing technique, which is designed to learn how to manage your emotions, allows you to experience negative outbursts and gain inner peace. The power of pranayamas is that it affects both general state the body and the emotional sphere of a person.

All methods of controlling emotions have a right to exist and can be used both separately and simultaneously.

In order to learn to restrain yourself without showing a violent reaction to certain events, you need to know the basic rules of “emotional hygiene”:

1. You should try to get rid of financial problems as quickly as possible. Having returned debts to friends, paid off loans, gotten rid of obligations, of course, the emotional state will not immediately become ideal. But since he is largely influenced by internal experiences, then, having gotten rid of at least financial problems, it will become much easier to control himself, and peace will appear.
2. Make your home comfortable and cozy. It’s not for nothing that they used to say: “My home is my fortress.” This is where there is room for personal space, the opportunity to be alone or invite guests, while setting the tone for the conversation. It will be important to allocate a separate area for relaxation.
3. Strive to climb the career ladder. In an impulse to quickly realize self-realization in work matters, a person has little time for emotional outbursts. And if everything works out and goes like clockwork, then there is no negativity left at all.
4. Determine your main goals in life and boldly move towards them. In general, the action is similar to a career, with the only difference being that it is suitable for a person who is less ambitious or has already managed to realize himself.
5. Broaden your horizons, make new acquaintances. New people, meetings, communication leave no room for negativity. But it is not at all necessary to control positive emotions.

Controlling emotions is an integral part of human development. The ability to restrain feelings also depends on the type of character (melancholic, choleric, etc.).

How to control your emotions - watch the video:

Negative emotions (anger, resentment) are often the cause of physical and psychological illnesses. Positive energy, in turn, can strengthen both the psychological and physical health of a person. People who are unable to control their emotions often fall into a so-called state of passion. And frequent stays in this state can lead to diseases such as schizophrenia. Jusik especially for website

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Today, controlling your emotions at work is considered more than just good manners. In some companies and industries, self-control is a prerequisite for employment. He will tell you what it really costs and how to control your emotions at work without harming your psyche. Women's magazine Charla.

The special features of “unobtrusive Russian service” have long since sunk into the past: nowadays you rarely see a salesman standing behind the counter “in the pose of a sugar bowl” and yelling at the buyer. Large companies that serve clients and have large teams educate employees through a variety of corporate trainings and seminars. As a result, we are increasingly greeted with polite smiles and friendly attitudes. Employees within the team seem to effortlessly maintain impartiality and restraint.

As already mentioned, restraint and ability to manage emotions is good form nowadays. In some areas, employees are required to smile and have a positive attitude towards customers (salespeople, waiters, etc.). In other areas, on the contrary, you need to behave impartially and it is better not to show any emotions at all (doctors, lawyers, etc.).

According to special studies, suppressing emotions is quite exhausting and suppresses the psyche, and ostentatious friendliness is somewhat easier than the eternal “poker face”.

But we are all living people. Sometimes excessive demands or unfair reproaches from superiors can bring us to tears. The stupidity of colleagues and the nagging of clients makes you want to shout, slam your fist on the table, or even take more radical actions. It is clear that even if we manage to restrain such reactions through willpower, this takes a lot of energy. What if such cases are repeated and repeated day after day?

The same studies showed that even simply remaining calm at work is so tiring that work itself becomes less productive by the middle of the day. What can we say about the body’s reaction to the constant suppression and containment of anger or resentment?

So, should you give free rein to your emotions and smash everything around to smithereens, you ask? If this were possible and would not entail the payment of claims for damaged property and injuries, then yes, it would be good for our psyche. But in addition to the listed troubles, such behavior can attract followers... and then the world around will turn into chaos.

What to do? Learn to properly restrain yourself, consciously control outbursts of anger and resentment at an early stage, learn to give free rein to your feelings away from prying eyes. Psychologists say that the essence of controlling emotions is not to successfully suppress them, but to manage them. Unclear? Let's try it simpler.

If you are pissed off, and at the same time you maintain a calm face, restrain your feelings and do not give them any outlet at all - this cannot be called ability to control emotions. If you are trying to figure out why someone else’s actions or words hurt you so much, you admit to yourself that this person has “gotten you” and know ways to “let off steam” - this is control and management.

That is, the essence of control is this: you need to admit to yourself that you feel something at all, and not suppress any feelings. You need to admit to yourself that you have now experienced negative emotions and not blame yourself for it. It is necessary to understand in the most thorough way why this particular situation or person caused such emotions. Give your emotions an outlet.

How to control your emotions at work: irritation

No matter how hard we try to keep the Christian commandments, we will not be able to “love” all our neighbors indiscriminately. There will always be someone who will irritate us simply by their appearance, for no seemingly any reason.

If there is such a person in your environment and you have to constantly contact him (that is, you cannot simply not communicate with him), psychologists advise that the first thing you should do is try to understand what it is about him or his behavior that irritates you so much. It's not easy. Because some irritants act as if gradually, not amenable to simple analysis. But this is necessary to clarify the situation.

If you managed to determine the reason, it is not at all forbidden to report it to the colleague who has such a bad effect on you. Just talking and finding out the reasons for his behavior is enough for him to stop annoying you. If you cannot immediately understand the reason, try to take a closer look at the person, find out more about him, and put yourself in his place. Then it will be easier to find the irritant. Or maybe you will learn something about him that will distract you from irritable thoughts about him, and you will stop reacting that way.

In any case, it is important to understand that any work on oneself, as in our case learning to control emotions at work, is daily and painstaking work that will require enough time and effort. If you don't give laziness a chance and are truly interested in success, you will succeed.

Psychologists believe that even people whose irritability is due to temperament (read: nature) may well learn to control themselves. And this must be done, otherwise everyday irritation can develop into a stronger and more destructive feeling - anger.

How to control your emotions at work: anger

Anger is one of the most powerful emotions, very difficult to control. It takes a lot of energy to suppress anger, and yet it cannot be said that in the end it is completely successful.

If you have ever been angry, you probably remember how you felt at the “boiling point” and as it cooled down. Emotions are ready to spill over, the consciousness does not reason, does not analyze the causes and consequences. Hands are shaking, legs are buckling, eyes are looking for someone to “take a break” from and throw out bursting feelings. When the anger passes, a reaction occurs: lethargy, emptiness, drowsiness. What kind of productive work can we talk about here?

Working on anger control must also begin with yourself. First of all, psychologists advise understanding what feeling you are actually experiencing, is it really anger? Maybe it's fear or another feeling that seems to be disguised as anger and anger? Then it would also be good to understand the real reasons for anger and analyze the situation.

Anger is an emotion that needs to be thrown out, otherwise it will eat you up from the inside. Of course, you obviously shouldn’t do this, but you can turn your feelings in a slightly different direction. For example, use your imagination and imagine a bright picture reprisals against the culprit of your anger.

Imagine how you rebuff him, don’t be afraid of your fantasies, the brighter they are, the faster you will get rid of the negativity.

If it is not possible to go out and indulge in fantasies at the moment, and you feel that you will lose your temper, just try to speak more quietly and slowly, pay special attention to this, focus your attention on the rhythm of speech and the pitch of your voice. This can cool your anger, help you switch slightly, and smooth out your emotions. If you have the opportunity to retire, try to relieve psychological stress with: do some exercises, just climb the stairs several times at a fast pace. Physical exercise In general, they are very desirable for those who experience and at the same time have to hide negative emotions on a daily basis.

You've probably heard that in Japan, many large corporations have portraits of their bosses in full height. These “benefits” are designed so that any employee can express to his superiors everything that he thinks about him. Or even hit it once.

At first glance it seems quite wild. But psychologists say that this is an excellent way out of the situation. After all, if you look at it, the boss is a person even busier and burdened with responsibilities than you. He has many more stressful situations and irritating factors than you. That is, he often simply does not have time to consciously control his actions, words, etc.

In a good company, of course, the bosses are quite competent in this regard and trained control your emotions at work, but they are also people and sometimes they can accidentally break down. And they don’t have time to talk to you, explain something, or apologize. Therefore, they do not at all mind that employees deal with their, so to speak, other “I”.

But splashing out emotions through assault is more likely the prerogative of men. Women are softer and more vulnerable creatures. This does not mean that they are incapable of experiencing anger, because they are capable! But for many of them, the intensity of emotions leads to banal tears.

How to control your emotions at work: tears

Tears are very difficult to hold back. If we can close our jaws tightly so as not to say too much or clench our fists in our pockets so as not to let them enter, then it is almost impossible to force ourselves not to cry.

First of all, psychologists again advise, you need to understand why you have this particular reaction to what is happening, for what reason you cannot control yourself? Perhaps it’s all due to long-term stress, extreme fatigue due to the large amount of work that has been hanging on you lately, poor health, illness, some experiences not related to work?

When the cause is found, it needs to be dealt with and eliminated as quickly as possible. Never allow yourself to think that it is your fault that you are offended and brought to tears, do not blame yourself for it. Of course, an unrestrained person, accustomed to not hiding his emotions, most often looks for and finds exactly the object that allows him to treat himself this way. That is, the screamer subconsciously feels that you will allow him, senses your vulnerability and unwillingness to fight back. But this is not your fault. This is his choice and his fault, not yours at all. However, you cannot leave everything as it is.

If you react the way he expects, he will continue to terrorize you. You should change your behavior, not give him the pleasure of seeing your pain and tears, resentment.

Easy to say, but difficult to do. And here psychologists suggest several simple ways to calm the tears that come and prevent yourself from crying. Firstly, since you know how everything can end, you need to be prepared for it. From the very beginning, try to step back from what is happening and observe the situation from the outside. Let the offender yell or make sarcastic comments to his own health, and you try not to think about his words, do not take them personally.

Also try to imagine him in some funny situation, you can even have fun in your thoughts, or even laugh out loud.

If you feel like you can't "hold the punch" and the tears are close, turn all your attention to your breathing. Try to breathe more deeply and not very deeply, focus on this, do not let your emotions take over you and throw you off your rhythm. You can drink water, counting every sip you drink - this will make you distracted. These methods are also good if the cause of your tears is not a person, but some specific situation that deprives you of peace of mind.

Here we have given only some of the most simple ways curb feelings and tried to explain why it is important to control your emotions at work, and not suppress them. For more in this direction, of course, it is worth studying the literature, maybe consulting with a psychologist or enrolling in special courses.

The most important thing is to recognize the problem, understand its importance for your mental and even physical health. This will be the first step towards the ability to control yourself and competently cope with your emotions.

Alexandra Panyutina